A Call to Duty

“Stop calling your sister names or Christmas won’t come!�  Now isn’t that a ridiculous threat?  How does this convince any child to curb a negative behavior?  Children are extremely smart, and they well know that Christmas is STILL coming…even with tantrums.  Even with hitting.  Even with screaming in grocery stores.  So how do you help them overcome those undesirable behaviors?

As parents, we have one main charge in particular. We are responsible to help our children learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. One of the best ways we can do this is to give realistic and logical consequences to children…and follow through EVERY time!  This can be very difficult for a number of reasons.  We might feel guilty for punishing our child, or it might be inconvenient to follow through with the consequence.  It might even mean a lot of work initially on a our part as the parent.  However, as we enforce consequences with love, and as we do it calmly, we’ll begin to see the same love and calmness from our children as they sense our selfless efforts to guide them. 

Exhibit A:

Keeping your cool when teaching your children proper behavior makes the situation less tense for both parent and child.  You will find that tempers cool much more quickly when parents follow through with love instead of anger.

Take this example:  Your child is hitting while you are visiting friends.  You tell her she needs to stop or you will have no choice but to take her home.  You certainly don’t WANT to go home, but if you name that consequence, you need to be prepared to follow through.  So, say she hits again, and sure enough you pack up and go home.  Very quickly she will learn that you are serious and that she absolutely will be going home if she cannot be nice.  It won’t be long before she only has to be told once to stop…and she stops! You don’t need to scream, you don’t need to scold. You just need to follow through.

Using that same example, if you aren’t in a position to go home, then do not threaten to do so!  Have her sit on a bed or have a time-out instead.  If you name a consequence, and allow the behavior to continue with nothing more than your repeated reproach which is never followed through on, then you are simply reinforcing your child’s inappropriate behavior. Yes, your child may see that you’re upset, but there is ultimately no reason in their mind to take you seriously.  There is no incentive to stop the behavior.

It Worked For Me

From the time my children are old enough to understand our directives, I have made an effort to use this technique.  Rarely do my children get into trouble because I only have to ask them to curb a negative behavior once!  They know that I mean business and they know I will absolutely follow through on the consequence I have set for any repeated offense.  With this knowledge of how I operate, they rarely take a situation far enough to warrant a consequence. 

That said, we are by no means a perfect family. We do have our occasional out-of-control tantrums and power struggles.  It happens!  Just take it in stride, follow through on all consequences, be reasonable and loving, and see how quickly a negative behavior changes to a positive!

Similar Articles:


• Time-Out From Positive Reinforcement
• Stand Your Ground: Don’t Give in to Tantrums
• Playtime- Eliminate Negative Behavior
• Communication Blues = Terrible Two’s
• Leaving Daddy Home…
• Reading Aloud To Your Children
• Finding the Right Pediatrician
• Silent Nights - Stomach Sleeping & SIDS
• Toilet Training in a Day
• Hylands Homeopathic Teething Tablets

A Call to Duty

“Stop calling your sister names or Christmas won’t come!�  Now isn’t that a ridiculous threat?  How does this convince any child to curb a negative behavior?  Children are extremely smart, and they well know that Christmas is STILL coming…even with tantrums.  Even with hitting.  Even with screaming in grocery stores.  So how do you help them overcome those undesirable behaviors?

As parents, we have one main charge in particular. We are responsible to help our children learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. One of the best ways we can do this is to give realistic and logical consequences to children…and follow through EVERY time!  This can be very difficult for a number of reasons.  We might feel guilty for punishing our child, or it might be inconvenient to follow through with the consequence.  It might even mean a lot of work initially on a our part as the parent.  However, as we enforce consequences with love, and as we do it calmly, we’ll begin to see the same love and calmness from our children as they sense our selfless efforts to guide them. 

Exhibit A:

Keeping your cool when teaching your children proper behavior makes the situation less tense for both parent and child.  You will find that tempers cool much more quickly when parents follow through with love instead of anger.

Take this example:  Your child is hitting while you are visiting friends.  You tell her she needs to stop or you will have no choice but to take her home.  You certainly don’t WANT to go home, but if you name that consequence, you need to be prepared to follow through.  So, say she hits again, and sure enough you pack up and go home.  Very quickly she will learn that you are serious and that she absolutely will be going home if she cannot be nice.  It won’t be long before she only has to be told once to stop…and she stops! You don’t need to scream, you don’t need to scold. You just need to follow through.

Using that same example, if you aren’t in a position to go home, then do not threaten to do so!  Have her sit on a bed or have a time-out instead.  If you name a consequence, and allow the behavior to continue with nothing more than your repeated reproach which is never followed through on, then you are simply reinforcing your child’s inappropriate behavior. Yes, your child may see that you’re upset, but there is ultimately no reason in their mind to take you seriously.  There is no incentive to stop the behavior.

It Worked For Me

From the time my children are old enough to understand our directives, I have made an effort to use this technique.  Rarely do my children get into trouble because I only have to ask them to curb a negative behavior once!  They know that I mean business and they know I will absolutely follow through on the consequence I have set for any repeated offense.  With this knowledge of how I operate, they rarely take a situation far enough to warrant a consequence. 

That said, we are by no means a perfect family. We do have our occasional out-of-control tantrums and power struggles.  It happens!  Just take it in stride, follow through on all consequences, be reasonable and loving, and see how quickly a negative behavior changes to a positive!

Similar Articles:

• Time-Out From Positive Reinforcement
• Stand Your Ground: Don’t Give in to Tantrums
• Playtime- Eliminate Negative Behavior
• Communication Blues = Terrible Two’s
• Leaving Daddy Home…
• Reading Aloud To Your Children
• Finding the Right Pediatrician
• Silent Nights - Stomach Sleeping & SIDS
• Toilet Training in a Day
• Hylands Homeopathic Teething Tablets