Stand Your Ground: Don’t Give in to Tantrums

Anything but Tempered

It’s both embarrassing and maddening when your toddler throws a serious fit in a public place.  The only thing worse than being the parent of that child is being the parent of a child who throws tantrums over and over again.  One thing is for certain, giving in to what they want – when it’s inappropriate – will only make things worse. 

A few months ago I was at a grand opening of a store.  Needless to say there were mobs of people at this store.  With me I had my two boys (34 months and 14 months at the time), and my younger sister who is married with no children.  My oldest son started to throw a major fit when, after repeatedly being asked to stop, he refused to quit touching some more expensive items.  I soon had to pick him up and carry him away, and that’s when he lost it!  Wow, I mean, he really lost it!  He was thrashing around and screaming; in fact, looking back I’m surprised no one accused me of kidnapping this poor child. 

I took my son to a less busy aisle and laid him on the carpeted floor.  (I had self-preservation in mind – for both of us.  I knew he would hurt himself in the shopping cart, and I’m not a fan of “parent abuse� as I like to call it, just the opposite of child abuse where I am the victim of his rage.)  He laid on the floor and continued thrashing and screaming.  He seemed prepared - and determined - to keep this up through the eternities. He was ready to win.

Determined to Teach

I decided to stand my ground, and began looking at items nearby that were interesting, pretending not to notice his rampage.  I was content waiting out his ill behavior, though my sister was humiliated by the outburst.  She kept giving me the “everyone is staring� looks.  And boy was she right, they were staring. 

In a situation like this though, despite the tension in the air I knew I could not give in, even if it meant harsh judgments from others.  I am the one who will have to deal with this child over and over again in public places, not those who are passing by muttering to themselves what a terrible mother I must be.  First of all, he was doing something inappropriate.  As a parent it is my responsibility to teach my children appropriate behavior for different situations. 

Some might think: “Letting him throw a tantrum in a public place isn’t appropriate behavior.�  Right.  However, I was taking a gamble that by not giving him any attention for his negative behavior this time, that he would recognize how useless those actions are, and the behavior would stop – for good.   

In the meantime I continued to browse nearby.  My sister tried talking to him, and others came by to put forth an effort in the calming process, but to no avail.  A woman giving out balloons even came to calm the “sad little guy.�  She was sweet and I felt bad as he continued to act unkindly even to her.  See, my sister, the strangers, and the balloon woman were no good to him.  I was the authority figure and he needed me to give in. 

Perseverance Wins the Prize

I’m happy to report that his tantrum turned out to be an utter failure on his part.  After about five minutes of giving it his best effort, he had calmed down and was willing to talk and listen.  After we got things sorted out, we went to find that sweet balloon lady.  He was ready for a balloon from her, and in exchange the woman received a polite “thank you� from him.

We haven’t had another tantrum since.  Parents, don’t be afraid to stand your ground!  It may be humiliating, and will most certainly come at the most inconvenient times. However, taking the time to tame your children’s behavior is worth it.  Don’t give in to tantrums.  If they can get you once they’ll try again and again, and again. Show them that you are in control of the situation, and they will show you the respect that you, as the parent, need in order to teach them well.

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